I wanna get better

I live and I fucking love this song. It has been in my head for a while now and I really love the music video. But mostly I am bored as fuck traveling alone this week. I hope you guys are well. I still check this e-mail from time to time so hit me up. When the wife goes to sleep and I have already worked out I tend to find the end of the internet that interests me so I fall back into old habits, such as this hang out.

Enjoy this video. It sucked me in. And I really enjoy the song as well, this is from a side project from a member of FUN so I am sure it will blow up but for now, its just me, my beer and this Hampton Inn room jamming out. 

Guy Next Door.

Don't Wait

Hello Internet.
I live and have been living an incredibly crazy life the last few months. This is a goodbye of sorts post. I have moved on to a new phase of life and if I live through this incredibly turbulent flight, I am ready to move on with my life with only my voice in my head.

Quick life update:
I moved.
I got married.
We moved again.
I got promoted.
She starts work soon.

Life has been good and I wanted you guys to know that. You might not all agree with my choices, but in the end, its my life and I have to live it.

I wish you all the best. I'll check this email from time to time and I am still in contact with multiple people the internet has brought into my life.

Signing off from 17E this time

Guy Next Door.

And just to throw in something to make this post me, here is a song I have had stuck in my head the last few days.

I have no idea.

Taking a pause from writing about meeting people because if I don't write this tonight... I have no idea when I will.

No song tonight boys. Just a dumbass and his thoughts.

.....
I had entire post written about the real and how no one, not Liz, not RJ, not a single family member knows me and the horrible things I do. I deleted it all because I hated it but I need to figure my shit out.

I tell myself life will be better when we live together, I whole heartedly think so but who can say how I will act. I tell myself I only do the things I do because I am bored and have nothing to do. From signing onto Adam4adam and just "looking around" to texting the people I should not be texting. I literally have to "Liz proof" my phone and computer before time with her. I delete an app, delete history and block a few numbers and then I spend the weekend not thinking about it, but within an hour of leaving I get bored on my drive and reinstall everything on my phone... And it isn't just this shit, I cheat more than I write about on here. Not a lot more, but enough more. I guess I am just writing this random stream of shit because I know I am flawed and I don't really talk to anyone about it and today I got so pissed at myself for so many reasons and I just need to get my shit together. I act so carelessly, like I don't want the life I have and if I am not careful, I am going to lose everything.


Fuck. I have no idea what is going on with me. Alright well I am headed to bed, but I'll be sure to delete this internet history before I see Liz this weekend.

Meetings Part 1: Trevor

I told you guys that in a 2 week I span I went from meeting no readers to having met 3 readers friends from this blog. I am going to start from the most recent and work backwards and I won't get to all of them today, that is too much emotion for this certain layover. But I do need to get it down in writing. It helps.

My song for my meeting with Trevor fits on a lot of levels, I just found it this week and instantly had it stuck in my head. The lyrics also talk about knowing someone, but I will get to that later. You Know Me by Air Traffic Controller.

Lunch with Trevor was awesome, after the initial moments of I could be meeting a total creeper on the street (it was a very public area in a large city so I thought I was covered) we did the awkward hellos and walked towards a lunch spot. Things started to click right away and we shot the shit about the NFL and sports, where he goes skiing since we had initially talked about that. Once we got to a lunch spot we started talking and got to know each other more. I talked to him about recent life stuff and then started to grill him on his life. He is older, (mid 30s) and has the interesting situation where his roommate is his secret buddy. I don't really know if he would use the term boyfriend so I won't here but they seem to be pretty exclusive and he seems happy but he was giving me crap for my blog not giving him the answers on what to do. We are in different spots in life but could relate so much on the struggles on being Bi, what that means, and where we go from here. It was one of the most open and honest discussions I have had in my life. I had just met this guy, we could talk and I had nothing to guard myself from him on and he felt the same way. We could be open and honest about our feelings and analyze the events of our life without trying to impress each other or be guarded. Having a fresh open and honest conversation was pretty awesome and we message now back and forth some and I am sure if we get the chance will meet up again but for now I am happy to have gained another friend out of this. Being able to talk to someone you have this in common with is helpful.

A couple of the things we talked about:
1. This is an itch that will not go away, I am bi-sexual, I will not become heterosexual, I can commit to a hetero relationship, but this is a part of me (and him) and no matter what we choose in life we have to work within these parameters.
2. We have to be realistic and fair to the other people in our life. I know I want a life with Liz and I owe her the respect of giving my all in that life.
3. Just talking about shit helps. We both said we have not had that open a conversation in our lives and there are few people who know everything about me on earth, Trevor is on his way to being one of them.
4. Keep your head up. Life gets tricky and emotions can sneak up but keep shit in a positive light, it does wonders for you.

And Trevor.... you know you have one foot in the door and one outside. In your journey to figure out where you are going to stand, I might recommend a blog... It has really helped me. :)

As always, drop me a line and say hello maybe I'll write a post about our lunch someday,
GND

Wheres your head at?

I had an awesome and exhausting weekend. Now it's Monday night and I'm laying here and I can't sleep before I get up early for work. I'm listening to music and not sure what is running through my mind. I need to write it out, I'm just not there yet. I really am just to the point where I want to sleep in my own bed (I typed hotel bed without even realizing it, if that shows where my life has been recently).

I have a song that has been stuck in my head. There is a line in here "I say out loud this is the last time." Anyways. It's a little different but here it is. Addicted - Morgan Page featuring Greg Laswell (who I also really like on his own)

One final note, I got an email and realized a lot of people follow this blog on feedspot and I'm sure on other sites like it, I had no idea but I hope you guys take the time to find the songs since the videos don't cross over to those sites. The music I put on here captures how I feel at a lot of moments on life better than the words do. And a few times they have come together in such emotional messages that it is hard for me to go back and experience those posts again. 

Alright. Goodnight guys. I'm going to count the speckles on my ceiling.

GND

EDIT:

GUYS. I almost forgot. My URL was spelled wrong. I got rid of the random s that has been in there for almost 3 years. Thanks to Trevor for calling me out on being completely oblivious to that this week. And for the rest of you thanks for nothing... No actually thanks for 2 years and 11 months. I also looked at how long I had been at this... Hard to believe sometimes 

Update to the update. My URL is back to being mis spelled... It breaks all the linked subscriptions.  That Extra S in close(s)ted  is going to be there for as long as this thing lives on the internet. We win some and we lose some. My URL is like me, imperfect. 

Life is funny sometimes.

In a new direction from my last post, life has an interesting way of  bringing people into your life. After 4 years of blogging, almost a month off I think... I'm not really sure and don't want to go look, I had not met anyone from the blog world but after the last couple weeks I have met 3. The most recent was  incredibly random but I really enjoyed it. 

I get an email Thursday during the day telling me to keep my head up and thanking me for sharing my story.  Trevor (I picked this name while I was with him... He is not a Trevor at all but it stuck) signs off the email saying he is a fellow skier from  X.  As soon as I see it I respond and say hey man thanks for the  note, I am actually traveling to X tonight and have some free time tomorrow while my friends work if you want to grab lunch.  

Flash forward to us having a great lunch and just talking about life and being completely honest with each other., something I don't get to do too often. So just wanted to say thanks for reading everyone. I have some songs and pics I want to post. Last night we ended up at some crazy house party that involved way too many horrible Jell-O shots. 

Alright more later, time for some bloodies and sight seeing now that last person is dressed and showered. More later friends. 

GND. 

(Honestly, if this post goes to show anything I could be right next door and we won't know, so drop me a note, maybe I'll be in your town soon.) 

Untitled

I don't know what to title this post as, because I don't know where my head is at. I just read the end of Fraternity Memoirs and for some reason that story just socks it to me and fucks with me head. Part of it has to do with the fact that I have felt the emotions that both the main character and the other characters described have felt. So here I sit a little lost and dazed.

Today is a travel day with some pretty shitty travel reservations so I will have a lot of time to Kill between flights (I can't bitch too much about that, I am flying to a long weekend vacation so I took the cheapest option.

Ill update this more later. I have a lot to tell, I met 2 people this blog has connected me with and I can't really say how awesome the people this blog has brought into my life are. Good luck to RJ, today is a big day for him.

Ill update this post later today... maybe.... I want to try but for now I need to get out of here. Too much going on in my head.

Until then,
GND

Drinks after work

What's up to the few people who still read this blog. I am currently drunk in a hotel room somewhere in the USA. I honestly probably couldn't pin point this city on a map, but that is neither here nor there, so lets get on with the drunken ramble.

I have a lot of big life stuff in the next couple weeks and I will somewhat fill you guys in on those things. But one of the most significant things to me is finally getting to meet RJ. We are supposed to meet up and I am going to stay over at his place next week. I really hope everything works out this time. Him and I have not been able to talk as much recently and I miss him, not only as a balancing force in my life, but also as the person who knows me better than probably anyone else on earth.

When we were supposed to hang out a few months ago I wanted to take a picture of our shoes next to each other and post it, I really am pretty pumped to be able to do that next week.

I hope you guys have been well. As for a song this time I am going to go with a country tune, even though I already converted my radio presets off there summer country station rotation(back to a rap and a classic rock station), I still have this tune stuck in my head. While the part of the song about meeting a girl doesn't apply, so much of the rest of it does. So go out and Enjoy a 7&7 for me and listen to this tune.

Until next week,
GND