Wednesday, November 13, 2013

I have no idea.

Taking a pause from writing about meeting people because if I don't write this tonight... I have no idea when I will.

No song tonight boys. Just a dumbass and his thoughts.

I had entire post written about the real and how no one, not Liz, not RJ, not a single family member knows me and the horrible things I do. I deleted it all because I hated it but I need to figure my shit out.

I tell myself life will be better when we live together, I whole heartedly think so but who can say how I will act. I tell myself I only do the things I do because I am bored and have nothing to do. From signing onto Adam4adam and just "looking around" to texting the people I should not be texting. I literally have to "Liz proof" my phone and computer before time with her. I delete an app, delete history and block a few numbers and then I spend the weekend not thinking about it, but within an hour of leaving I get bored on my drive and reinstall everything on my phone... And it isn't just this shit, I cheat more than I write about on here. Not a lot more, but enough more. I guess I am just writing this random stream of shit because I know I am flawed and I don't really talk to anyone about it and today I got so pissed at myself for so many reasons and I just need to get my shit together. I act so carelessly, like I don't want the life I have and if I am not careful, I am going to lose everything.

Fuck. I have no idea what is going on with me. Alright well I am headed to bed, but I'll be sure to delete this internet history before I see Liz this weekend.