Friday, December 31, 2010

Don't Ask, Don't Tell.

Hey guys.
So Christmas is over, the new year is almost here and I have been pretty busy. I did a lot of family stuff and have more family coming to visit soon but along with that I have been hanging out with friends, watching college football, hitting up some after Christmas sales, and then a lot of laying around.

But besides my general laziness I have also hooked up twice since getting home.  One of the guys was in the Military, hence the title of this post. I feel like my break could be very full of sex. But I also made the title of this post Don't Ask, Don't Tell for a couple other reasons. First off because there is a semi big part of my life that I have left out of my blog until right now. But I am currently in a committed relationship with a girl. It has been going on for a while now and we are happy and I enjoy the sex but I find myself thinking about sex with guys a lot. So now I am home and taking a little personal time to enjoy it. In my heart I know that this girl and I are not going to be together after I graduate because we are going different places but we are in the same group of friends at school and even if we broke up we would probably still hook up so I might as well ride that out until May.

Alright well there you go. I have a girlfriend, but have sex with guys on the side. I wasn't sure I was going to talk about my life as a perceived straight guy on here but after reading a lot of blogs that balance it well I decided to give it a try.

So my two hook ups. The first one was pretty bland. Met this guy and ended up going over to his place. He was pretty normal and pretty good looking. It was fine, put a movie on and then ended up fooling around. We didn't bone and after we got off, I got out of there. That is my usual MO.

The second guy, we will call him Sarge(I have no idea what rank he actually was). Anyways this did not go as well as planned. I went over to his place, and we just got right down to it. ( I don't really mind, I am a busy guy) But we are fooling around and he takes off his pants and the thickest member I have seen was hanging between his legs. We keep going and in the back of my mind I am hoping sarge will be like the last guy and just want to fool around but of course 10 mins later he is asking if I want to get fucked. I was horny and have done it before so we try and it is fucking painful but I am not a quitter, or at least until this point in my life I was not but I am considering taking up the practice as my new years resolution. Anyways after a while he finally pulls out and I finish him off. I had finished a while before him and then we showered to clean up. As I said about the previous guy I am more of the cut and run type but that didn't happen this time, he wanted to lay down so I did and then he started asking if I had ever dated a guy and in my mind I am freaking out at this point cause it seems he liked me so I talked for a few mins and then got out of there.

Now it is New Years Eve and my friends and I don't have set plans. Fucking procrastination. Anyways I gotta run and try and find something to do tonight. Hope you all have a great New Years celebration and I look forward rambling in the near future for all of you to read. 

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Eve

Christmas is by far my favorite holiday and I love being able to spend time with my friends and family at home. This year is awesome because I have not been home this long without anything to do since freshmen year. So senior year, last real extended break I will ever have and I am making the most of it. I have been going out with friends every night and hanging with my family during the day. The tree is slowly filling with presents and in a few hours our family friends will all come over and the booze will start flowing.

As fun as all this will be, starting this blog and reading what other people have been saying has been making me think. I am just rather unsure of who I am and what I want out of life. I have the dream of getting married to the perfect girl, having two kids, and someday having my own Christmas like the one my parents have created. But then I have this creeping feeling inside of me that while that would be fulfilling part of me would be wandering.

I have not talked about how I truly feel on here yet but I will in the next couple weeks. Especially after the new year when I have nothing to do. But a basic run down is I am sexually attracted to both males and females but have only ever felt an emotional connection to a girl. Got pretty close once with a guy but he was a tool and hooking up with friends behind closed doors hardly ever works out I can imagine.

Anyways I have a ton of stuff going through my head but in all I just wanted to wish whoever reads this a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Bros vs Guys looking for more.

I am home from school and having a blast. I just got in from a night out with friends and I just wanted to post that 1. I made it through the hell of this semester 2. I am home and plan on updating a lot over break (get pumped 3 followers). 3. And this was my main point, I was out at the bar and I don't get it, once and a while I will catch a guy (usually a bro looking guy) looking at me more so than most people. And I'll admit the guy tonight I was looking at too, but mostly cause he just because he happened to be between two of my friends so when I looked off into the bar he happened to be in my eye line. He was pretty good looking but I caught him looking at me more than a few times and I was off his side so maybe he felt me looking at him or maybe he was looking at me. Anyways I just wanted to update. I'm gonna go take care of some personal business if you know what I mean. Look for more in the coming days.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Bitching about the weather and some seasons greetings.

It is freezing out and all I want to do is sit by a fire and watch sports center. But that will come soon enough. I am almost done with my finals and then I am going to put in a few long days at work to make some extra cash before I head home for the rest of break. Then I will be able to sleep in and enjoy my break. But after the holidays are over break is going to be one huge job search. At least I will have some time off school and work to apply places.

Anyways my other big plan  over break is to do a lot of blogging. Get a lot of my thoughts out of my head and here for people to read. I have been reading a lot of other guys blogs and there is a lot of stuff I want to put into words from my past and just things that go through my head.

Maybe if I am lucky I'll get to go skiing over break too. I fucking love winter sports, as long as it's a nice day when I am on the mountain. If I am really lucky I will see a guy like the one below. Also guys (to the people who actually read this, and my 1 current follower) feel free to e-mail me at

Hope everyone is looking forward to the holiday season.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Winding down

So my second to last semester of college is winding down. I can't believe how fast these four years have gone but all I can do now is enjoy the time I have left. I have enjoyed every second of college. I work pretty hard to get good grades, have a job that I work at a ton and then I go out even harder. This past weekend was a blur of going out one night to a bar with some friends and then randomly post gaming at a neighbors apartment till 3:30 before working all day Saturday followed directly by an ugly sweater party at some of my buddies place.

I realized I never posted about my thanksgiving break story which is odd with winter break right around the corner (and as I write this only 5 people have been to my blog so honestly no one is really dying to know right now.) But anyways over Thanksgiving break I went home and I live in the suburbs of a rather big city so we have a really active craigslist, but the times I have posted on there have mostly not gone as planned. I posted this summer and got some creepers but one guy seemed cool. A real guy, not fem, in shape, cool and a little older, but it never worked out. So I e-mail him over break and see whats up. He invited me over so I go over thinking this guy is a littler older and a little bigger than me. He wasn't lying about his age but the photo's he sent may have been of his body in college and he may have let himself go a little since then. I don't really care I just wish people could be honest, you think you have an 8 but its really a 5.5 when you get there. But one plus this guy had was a really thick member, so we started talking for a while and we had a lot in common with sports teams we liked and we both hate our town's nfl team cause they suck. We started fooling around and it ended up with him wanting to top me. It had been a long time since I had done this but I was horny and said okay. Which ended up being rather embarrassing because I only was able to take it for a min or two before I busted. After that I wanted to get out of there but I hung around for a little while. I felt bad cause he didn't get off but he couldn't stay up that well and I was feeling uncomfortable so he told me I could leave. I felt bad but took the opportunity. Anyways that's it for now. Ill write more soon hopefully. Finals and work are keeping me pretty busy but I am finding that writing about some of this helps me organize my thoughts.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Family. And how it makes us who we are

After spending a day with my family I have witnessed many characteristics I hope I display, and more than a few I hope I don't. Family is an odd concept, and without going into too much detail I will try to explain what I mean. My parents help take care of a set of my grandparents and at our gathering today my grandmother was more than usual off her rocker and said a ton of crazy shit and ended up soiling herself (we will leave it at that). So on the way home my mom was apologizing and my family just looked at her and we all said, it comes with the territory. Family is one of the few things in life you can't choose, just like you can't choose your height, so you love them the best you can and put up with their bullshit and baggage.

In this same manner we can't pick how we feel. Which really explains me, I am bisexual. I have been attracted to guys and girls for a while now. I see different things in both sexes. That being said I have not really told anyone about this so this blog is my outlet for that. I have a ton going on in my life with graduation and picking a career and where to live. And how I want to live my life is something I have been thinking a lot about. So for now I guess I will use this to talk about that, and the happenings of my life.

So my first story is from Thanksgiving break. I'm currently at home, which is a ways from school so I don't get home too often and this week I have hooked up with both a guy and a girl. The girl was my ex-girlfriend from high school who I see every once and a while and my friends and I were out one night at a bar here in town and ran into her and I ended up making out with her there and going back to her car for a while afterward and fooled around. It always awkward with her so I don't know what to think but we will go back to talking every once and a while and act like nothing changed. I'm not sure how to feel about it.

Okay that's it for now. I'll update later with more about my other hookup and how that all played out. Along with some stuff from my past.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Late to the game.

Whats up to whoever reads these blogs. I just recently discovered the whole blog movement and within that a whole bunch of guys who are in the same boat as me. Which is weird to have somewhere to talk about everything. I'm a normal college student but that part of my life ends this spring and a whole new chapter will begin. This is an odd sensation writing out how I feel and even the idea of writing down stories from my past and working out how I feel about my extremely uncertain future. Not just with graduation but also with what I will end up like, who I will be with, what kind of family will I have. I will write more later but I just wanted to set this up after seeing so many blogs out there that are about similar situations to mine.