Marriage

Marriage. It is clearly on my mind... if you haven't read my post from last night, which I am guessing you haven't because I am posting the next day, it is on the immediate horizon for me. I bought an engagement ring after a lot of shopping, talking to some readers, talking to really good friends, and doing a little soul searching. But the issue is also on the minds of our country, but before I dive into that, this is the best version I have seen of the picture above today:

  

Okay now that we have all had a good laugh at Paula Dean.... I really do hope that something comes out of the Supreme Court cases. I think DOMA is crock of shit and I am not constitutional scholar but it seems to be pretty unconstitutional to me, which would be a game changer in the gay marriage fight. Anyways, I really hope people continue to come around to human rights (gay rights are human rights) and that in 10 years we can look back and wonder why this was even an issue. I also hope my kids look back and are embarrassed for us, and while we were raised in different times it is how I have sometime thought about my grandparents and great grandparents in the civil rights movement. 

Okay the song of the day before I get to the personal stuff, another Spotify radio discovery and again they only have 5 songs so they have been on repeat but I really like them, they sound especially great blasting from your rental car, just trust me. 

 

There is a part in the song that slows down and says "I want to be the one you love, I don't want to be the you lost" and that is really what flipped the light bulb in my head. Not this song, and I really didn't put that together until I was screening videos for this post, I just like the music. But the words ring true with how I feel, I couldn't stand to lose Liz, I want to be the one who grows old with her, take trips with, raise a family with, and everything in between. I know it won't be all sunshine and roses and family vacations but we have been through bad stuff before, both independently with our families and together we have weathered some major storms. Things are really good (got woken up at 4 am on Monday by a nice BJ turned into sex... what a way to start the work week, and I got to sleep in because I didn't travel out till later) and we are ready for this. We meaning me. But I really am. I know who I am, what my faults and weaknesses are and I know that I have to deal with those. Will I still watch gay and bi porn? Yes. That will still happen. Will I admire a hot guy as he runs down the street in my sunglasses, hell yes. Will I enjoy the look of guys dripping wet drinking on the water at the lake this summer, more than you will know. But over all that I enjoy Liz, and as a bisexual male... I pick her, for life, not for now. And that is something I am making a part of the very core of my existence.

I know we fought, and  I had a weak moment and I know we will fight again but I can work at being stronger. She deserves better and somehow I got her convinced I am that better man, so I am bound and determined to be him.

Hope you guys have a good one and thanks to MadMenMD for the shout out at Pathologically Confused even though he just left me hanging in a g-chat convo... nice bro. But I mean it, I appreciate all the people I hear from on here, and am open to talking to whoever.  

Finally, to the guy who messaged me about wanting to talk to someone, I hope you found your person man., I am here if you need it but I can't tell you how important it is to have someone to talk to. I never would have made it to where I am if it were not for RJ and others so I really hope you found someone.