My past. Part 1

Okay quick side note. Not sure if anyone even cares but if maybe someone does. In my ignorance I had no idea that my comments were restricted. Now anyone can comment, that was my intention from the beginning I just didn't know I had to push a button to make it so.

So I figured I owe a little explanation of how I got to be the way I am. This will not be a fun journey but something I need to do as much for myself as I do for readers to understand me. I have my emo music playing in the background. (currently I am using Pandora, and ironically New Found Glory just came on... talk about teen aged angst in music)

So guy next door from the start. I guess I have to start in 3rd grade which is weird but anyways went on vacation with family friends and this kid and I shared a room and we did the normal curious stuff like look at each other and one day showered together (okay I'm not sure how normal that is, but it happened). Anyways from there my life went on and fast forward to 8th grade and this kid and I go to different schools but still talk occasionally. One day he IM's me (oh the days of aim) and we are just shooting the 8th grade shit and he brings up what happened on our vacation and then asks if I want to do it again. I emphatically deny any want to do that again (lie) and move on.

At the same time I start dating my first (of 2) serious girlfriend. We started dating in 8th grade which is crazy but were dating through junior year of high school and then had some major weak moments of getting back together our senior year into freshmen year of college. I will refer to her as GF1.

The reason GF1 and I became so close is that middle school was a horrible time for me. I hate those two years of my life more than anything. I know a lot of people hate middle school, but I HATED it, to the point of almost taking my life because I was being bullied and hated how awkward I was. (Weird side bar but GF1 just texted me, its like she knew I was talking about her, we are trying to get together while I am home) Anyways GF1 is part of the reason I am still here and we were friends and the whole time I was desperately in 8th grade love with her and eventually I charmed her into falling for me too. We are still close and I still talk to her every week or so, we trade black out stories and talk about our lives but she has no idea about this side of me.

That comes to my last part of this post and part of the reason I am in the closet. People have questioned me before about my sexuality. Part of the bullying was calling me gay, and part was cause I was just an obnoxious child. (I have calmed down a lot since then) Anyway this teasing and questioning has always been met with denial from me. I don't know if everyone believes me but as of now I am not comfortable with people knowing about me so I am working on it.

So here is the start of my story. This part was really nothing, check back tomorrow for High School, the best four years of being trapped in the closet. For now I leave you with this tune from my youth. Have a good one guys.